


Defenseless

by elrond50



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Advanced Medical Science, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chuck Lives, Fluff and Angst, Injured Chuck, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, alternative world building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13822212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elrond50/pseuds/elrond50
Summary: Second chances are hard to come by. Chuck lives, but has to recover from his injuries. Raleigh learns who the real Chuck Hansen is.





	Defenseless

_Pain… Burning…_

_so bright and painful…_

_just Pain…_

_agony tearing through him…_

_ROARING_

_Then silence._

_Merciful silence._

 

* * *

 

The Hong Kong Shatterdome staff listened as the rescue choppers returned from Operation Pitfall. The rotors cutting through air was all the sound that was heard as Emergency Medical Personnel waited for the injured to arrive. Many of Striker Eureka’s techs were grim with worry. All the technicians still there were torn between elation of victory and the price paid.

The first chopper landed and got the weary, but mostly intact Rangers Becket and Mori, attended. Both had a few injuries including a broken bone or two, but no internal damage.

Marshal Herc Hansen waited for the next chopper. His son was in it and so far all the news was grave. A glance at a waiting American Lt Colonel from their Walter Reed medical unit was all that was keeping him from despair. After the first report, Tendo Choi kicked him out of LOCCENT and made Herc wait for his son on the pad.  

“Sir,” said a limping Raleigh Becket as he joined him. “He’s strong. He’ll make it.”

Herc turned and looked at the man he’d known for years and recently returned for the final fights. Another glance at the waiting medical staff and Herc tried to keep his composure. He nodded and then gave Mako Mori a hug. “Sorry about Stacker.”

An audible swallow and a nod. “He went out like he wanted Marshal.’ She looked as the next chopper began its decent. She reached over and grabbed Herc’s hand. “I know Chuck. He’s too stubborn to go out like this.”

The medical team sprinted out to the chopper and it was a frenzy of activity. Two techs and the Rangers next to him kept Herc from rushing over. Raleigh looked him in the eye. “Let them do their job. Let them save him.”

 

**After Pitfall – Day Two**

Herc had his hands in his hair and tried to keep from breaking down completely. The chairs in the medical waiting area were hard unforgiving plastic and he was thankful for the external discomfort. He looked at the retreating steps of one of the doctors. The ceiling held his interest now as he fought to keep from losing it. To keep from thinking about his son and the last news update.

A hand squeezed his shoulder. He looked up and tried to smile at Mako and Raleigh as they joined him.

“Nurse Keen called us. Said you had news.” Mako squeezed his shoulder again.

He motioned for both to sit. “Everything they’re doing is experimental and this was stressed several times. Been proven on its own, but never in combination or this…extensive.” He pointed at their arms in slings. “Both of his tibias and fibulas were broken as was one femur. Left knee also took damage. They’ve replaced his left lung, spleen, liver, and a kidney. Third degree burns in several places and radiation poisoning. Some special doctor is on his way from Houston to stop any cancers from even developing.”

Raleigh moved over and pulled Herc into a hug. “He’s alive. Hold onto that!” He gave his friend another hug before leaning back. “He’s Chuck Hansen! He’s made it this far.”

Mako stood up and started pacing. “What else? Something else?”

“We can’t see him. They are using a neural interface to block all his pain because drugs can’t be used until his new organs are stabilized. Also, he’s in some tank that will allow all the skin layers to regenerate and work properly. The microscopic carbon fiber bone mesh will be applied then.”

Understanding, Mako crouched in front of Herc, “How long will he be under?”

“Almost three weeks. They can’t rush it.” He looked at them. “How are your bones?”

Raleigh gave shrug and small smile. “Two days of no activity and then good as new. The carbon fiber mesh stuff works.”

Mako nodded, “But you have to be still. They want to fix your collar bone, Marshal! You are no good to anyone if you allow yourself to get run down. Medical wants to see you and fix that bone. Go eat too!”

“In a bit. Raleigh, Mako grew up with Chuck, but you need to know, he’s not as tough as he projects. Drifted with him too long not to know him despite how hard he tried to hide. We’ll talk more as the time gets closer.” Herc stood and stretched. “Who has Max?”

“He’s with a Striker tech. He’s worried too.”

Mako and Raleigh chased Herc away from the waiting room and ‘ordered’ him to eat and try to sleep.

“I’ve known Chuck since we were kids.” She gave Raleigh a smile. “He’s always been a perfectionist. Always tried to prove that he’s the best.”

“Arrogant snot and a brat,” Raleigh added with a small smile. “He kind of grows on you. Tough in a fight.”

She reached over and lifted his chin to meet her eyes. “He entered the Academy when he was twelve and everyone thought it was only because he was the son and nephew of the Hansens. He had to learn to fight, not just in the Kwoon, but for his safety because everyone was determined to make sure Chuck’s face was pushed into the dirt.” She shook her head and glanced at the corridor that lead to where Chuck was being treated. “He only told me part of it. Sensei mentioned it a time or two, but I know Chuck was bullied all through the Academy. He is arrogant for many reasons, Raleigh. Sensei said Herc only found out when they started drill Drifts. He saw how much Chuck went through. Only time Herc and Sensei fought.”

Silence filled the gap between them. Raleigh looked down the hall and sighed. “Nothing is going to be easy here, huh?”

She gave him a shrug. “It’s Chuck.” As if that explained everything.

 

**Chuck Hansen – Jaeger Academy Year One**

 

‘ _The United Nations met in emergency session as another three Jaegers have been lost in the last few months. The Kaiju attacks have grown more devastating over that course of time._

_‘In related news, tests on the latest American Jaeger, which is mired in controversy over naming, successfully tested the DARPA developed plasma cannons. The American Defense Department said that other technology was being rapidly adapted to combat the kaiju threat._ ’

Chuck clicked off the news hoping to hear from his dad and also not wanting to hear from his dad. He pulled the dried paper from his nose and checked to make sure he wasn’t still bleeding.

He might have been in the pilot program, but he loved looking at the Jaegers. He pulled up one of the courses the tech students took and pushed them to his interactive wall display. A quick look over and he caught sight of one of the few pictures he had of his mother. Frowning he pushed down on those feelings and focused on the schematics.

Taking a deep breath he found his nose wasn’t blocked and started playing with the three dimensional display. The new American Jaeger wasn’t there, but he knew that they’d be up as soon as it was deployed. Techs had to know how each Jaeger worked. Looking at the files his heart dropped for a moment, over a dozen Jaeger files were now listed as inactive.

“Hansen, come out and grab some grub!” came from outside his door.

It was his floor warden. Not that he ever stopped some of his fellow cadets from beating him up. ‘ _Uncle Scott said you were weak. Have to prove him wrong. Prove them all wrong._ ’

He turned off the display and caught a reflection of himself. Short, thin, with bright hair. No one thought he belonged here. His dad was just happy to have him out of harm’s way and out from under foot. He didn’t have a home anymore. Kaiju took it along with all his happiness. He looked back at the darkened display.

‘ _Have to find my own place to be safe._ ’

 

**After Pitfall – Day Nine**

 

Raleigh looked into the room were Chuck was floating in some healing gel. All he could see was the long cylindrical tank from his position. Chuck wasn’t visible only the futuristic tank. Hearing footsteps he turned and looked at a man in an Army uniform.

“Ranger Becket, it is an honor to meet you.” The man offered his hand and Raleigh shook it. “I’m Lt Colonel Daniel Chase, Ranger Hansen’s lead doctor. The Marshal informed me that I can give you all the updates on Ranger Hansen’s condition.”

“Been a week now,” Raleigh muttered.

“Yes, and he’s still in critical condition. Not going to lie, but the worst is yet to come. Not from a medical perspective, but from the patient point of view. The carbon fiber mesh has completely healed his wrist, ribs, and legs. The stem cells have rebuilt his immune system. All his organs show he is functioning well. The skin restoration has begun. The permanent neural interface is working.”

“What?” Raleigh turned to the Lt Colonel and glared. “What interface?”

“The pain blockers for him, we put in a small chip to allow us to really map all his neural activity.”

“You said permanent!” Raleigh didn’t like the way that sounded at all.

The Army doctor nodded. He touched the wall and suddenly all kinds of data was there. It reminded Raleigh of LOCCENT displays. “The interface will be his to use to access data from any network he chooses once he’s healed. We decided he was one of the few candidates on Earth for this given his neural plasticity.”

“Look, I’m a pilot and I got through the Academy in good standing. I’m not dumb, but more my speed please. You said you fixed my brain damage, but…” Raleigh gave the doctor a skeptical look.

“Your brain is fine now. Minor damage was repaired by the nanotech and stem cells.” The Lt Colonel gave Raleigh a smile. “We think, but don’t know for sure, that Ranger Hansen’s brain adapted to ‘Drifting’ more than anyone else because he started so young. His brain adjusted to the stress and outputs. His neural outputs are remarkable and we think because his brain was used to doing what so few brains get used to. Your brain survived the stress placed on it twice because you were also pretty young when you started your training. But he was twelve and you were fifteen. The neural plasticity is very different between those ages.”

“Huh,” was all Raleigh managed to grunt. He rubbed the back of his head. “So now what?”

The doctor moved his fingers around the display and pulled up a brain image. “We have him in a coma for now and at 100% neural pain block. Once all the skin layers are repaired then we will pull him out of the chamber. That will be another week before we are sure the skin has been restored. The fun begins then.” He looked at Raleigh and shook his head. “And by that I mean it won’t be pleasant at all.”

* * *

 

They walked into his room to get some dog food. Tendo suggested they do it instead of the Marshal and when they entered, Mako knew why. Raleigh turned on the lights and actually choked. She reached over and grabbed his hand and squeezed.

“He packed,” was all she managed to get out.

“He didn’t think he was coming back. Herc can’t see this.” He moved to some of the boxes and found them labeled in neat engineering script. “He didn’t want his dad to do this. Jeez!” He opened a box of books and started putting them in the book case.

Mako grabbed Max’s food and some toys. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

He nodded and carefully started putting Chuck’s stuff back into place. Not that he knew where his fellow Ranger wanted things, but Herc shouldn’t see this. Shouldn’t see how Chuck planned ahead in case… It was weird seeing this part of Chuck. There were some knick-knacks, a handful of photos. A beaming teenage Chuck holding a ball of wrinkles that Raleigh knew to be Max.

He didn’t rush this, but as he slowly made progress he saw depths to Chuck he didn’t think any except Mako got to see. Herc probably knew from the Drift, but opening up and telling someone, that was Chuck’s gift to Mako. Even through his Drift with her, Raleigh would never have guessed this about Chuck.

When he found an old Becket Brothers poster carefully rolled up his heart clenched a bit. It wasn’t ripped or torn. He didn’t even have one of these, but teenaged Chuck did. He put it back and started on the other boxes. The enigma that was Chuck Hansen was not a riddle he think he could solve in one day. Maybe not even one lifetime. But as he looked at everything around him, Raleigh realized how much he wanted to get to know the man he saw here. Not the projection, but the person who lived in this room. Who valued this stuff. That was a Chuck Hansen worth knowing.

 

**Chuck Hansen – Age Eleven**

The loud noises coming from the front room woke him up. Chuck frowned as it was the middle of the night and he had school, not that his dad or uncle cared.

“Should have let me kick his teeth in,” yelled Scott Hansen. “Had no business touching me like that! Not a man if you ask me!”

“Shut up!” whisper yelled Herc. “The boy’s asleep and got school!”

“What will school teach him? Probably to be just like that nasty faggot that tried! Fucking wanker grabbing me like that. Should have beat his freak ass!” Scott yelled.

A loud sigh came from Herc, “You’ve let them pull it out before. Seen it in the Drift. What’s the problem then!”

“Shut your bloody face! Not ever kissed one and never will. Not real men! Not one standing out there fighting. Weak pansies, all of them if you ask me! Not right I tell you, man sucking off another man. Letting a man put his cock in ya! Not men!”

“Go to sleep and be quiet,” Herc demanded in a loud voice.

Chuck started to close his door when he heard it.

“If you aren’t careful Charlie will end up just like that. Too soft that kid, nice, but looking like he’ll be a cock sucker, Herc. Don’t’ want the whole force knowing you raised one! Want a real man for a son.”

Chuck closed his door and crawled into bed. He pushed his stuffed koala on the floor and curled into a ball under his blankets. The words echoed in his head as he fell asleep.

 

**After Pitfall – Day Sixteen**

The days started running together. Everyone in the Shatterdome on edge as they waited for some word on Chuck’s condition.

Mako placed a tray of food in front of Herc and pointed to it. “Eat. You will not do Chuck any good if you aren’t strong when he’s awoken.”

Herc lifted his head from the paper work and saw his two pilots glaring at him. “Fine. Sit and keep me company. Tendo is running errands in Hong Kong so he’s useless for keeping me occupied. What’s on your minds?”

Raleigh leaned back in the chair and feigned nonchalance. “Chuck have any hobbies?” He had a clue, but wanted it confirmed.

Mako and Herc traded looks. Mako chuckled, “Chuck liked to build robots and design jaegers. He lived to fight kaiju. We traded books occasionally, but Chuck buried himself in work.”

Herc pushed his tray aside eating only a little of it. “That’s the hard part of this. He achieved his goal. He did everything he could to keep from dealing with people. Worried how he’ll look when he comes out. Already lost his muscle mass they told me. Won’t tell me about the scaring or how extensive it is.” He dropped his head and shook it. “The boy…he’s been running away from everything and hiding since the Academy.”

Getting up and moving around, Mako gave Herc a hug. “I only know what little Chuck told me about the Academy. Sensei only said he had a rough time.”

Nodding Herc sat up and reached down to pet a sleeping Max. “You have to understand, Chuck was small for his age. And he was so smart that he was in older groups even before the kaiju. He was a boy among older teens at the Academy. Even when he graduated at fifteen, he was still small. Hansen men mature late. Reached this height two years ago. Was barely into puberty when he left the Academy. Still a boy among men by then.

“I had no idea until the Commandant had to tell me, in Chuck’s last year, that he was in the infirmary. Three other cadets beat him. I flew out at once. Chuck has been angry since his mother died. Angry at me, the world, the kaiju, and I think mostly at himself.”

Raleigh cracked his neck and moved to sit on the desk next to Herc. He and Mako had a few conversations about Chuck. And Raleigh started talking to the Striker Eureka J-techs about the younger Hansen. Knew more about how Striker worked than they did and was always with them fixing her. Everyone knew he was devoted to his bulldog, Max. Focused, intense, demanding, but he demanded more from himself than anyone else. Everyone who worked with him knew that. They respected that. Even the other crews knew and respected the work Chuck Hansen did. The youngest and best pilot the program ever had.

“Why?” he managed to get out.

Herc suddenly looked decades older and defeated. Just then the comm chimed. “Marshal Hansen to the Infirmary, please. Marshal Hansen to the Infirmary.”

Raleigh was running after Mako and Herc before he knew it. He pushed into the Infirmary waiting room and sighed when one of the doctors apologized for making it seem like an emergency. He moved between Herc and the doctor before the Marshal did some serious damage. “What happened?”

“The skin repair is complete. One hundred percent epidermis restoration has happened. We know the sweat glands are there and all the other parts that make up healthy skin, but hair follicles will come later.” The doctor pulled up a display on the wall.

“We will be taking the neural block down to eighty percent in the next twelve hours. Please sit.” He sat down across from them. “I cannot stress how difficult things will be in a few days. We will move him out of the tank in two days and onto a special bed. He’ll be at fifty percent neural block and moving towards twenty percent.” The doctor sighed and looked directly at Herc.

“We’ll start an IV morphine drip at that point. An hour later we’ll remove the neural block.” The doctor swallowed and looked away. “All his pain receptors will be active. He’ll feel his new skin all at once. All the nerves will be live. Ever had a limb feel asleep? His whole body will feel like that at once. Morphine won’t help much; this process will take up to thirty-six hours.”

Mako clutched Raleigh’s hand and squeezed Herc’s shoulder. “How much will he be aware?”

“He’ll drift awake once we get him out of the tank, but still be in and out. The pain will bring him all the way out. He’s going to hate everything. The morphine will kick in half way through the process so he can sleep. Once he’s awake again, we’ll remove the drip. Physical Therapy starts immediately at that point. He needs to be on his feet. He’s lost too much weight and muscle mass. You will have to push him. Psych will be here by then to help.”

Herc looked at the room that held his son. “When does this happen?”

“In three days.”

 

**Chuck – Academy Year Three**

 

Chuck walked back into his dorm room after slamming the door. He was angry and embarrassed. He was sure word would spread that he’d just kissed another cadet. One that was his junior in rank but two years older. He slumped down against the door and banged his head against it.

“How could I be so stupid?”

Chuck was still the shortest guy on campus even though he was fifteen now. He knew how to handle himself in the Kwoon. Just handled three guys in his class and he was excited. On his way back ran into Kyle. Kyle with beautiful blue eyes and dark blond hair. Who reminded him of a pilot he’d been crushing on since he first saw him, Raleigh Becket.

And proved his uncle right that he wasn’t a real man. His uncle saw it years ago. He kissed Kyle who pushed him away with a laugh.

“Not likely Hansen. Maybe if you had something that hung between your legs? I mean I swing that way, but not for boys, but real men.”

Chuck wiped at his eyes ashamed for feeling upset, ashamed he’d kissed a boy, and ashamed he even tried. He knew better.

A knock on the door broke his spiral. He stood up and was shocked to see a jaeger technician proctor there. “Hi?”

“Mr. Hansen, will you come with me please?”

If something happened to his dad they would’ve sent a senior rep or the Commandant himself. So that wasn’t it. They made their way to one of the Dean’s offices. Even more confused, Chuck walked into a room with three other proctors and the Deputy Commandant.

“I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, so…”

“On the contrary Cadet, we’ve followed your progress on spec designs and other technical work in your spare time. You’ve taken a few tests off the record and if you weren’t one thousand percent sold on climbing into a conn-pod then you’d be building jaegers.” The Deputy sighed. “But they are going to need you sooner than we thought. Australia is fifty percent done with its new jaeger and your father wants you with him in Sydney in a month.”

“Oh,” was all he could say.

The Senior Technical Proctor rolled his eyes. “Chuck, we want you to continue your studies. MIT, Stanford, and the University of Tokyo have partnered to let you earn engineering degrees while on assignment. They know defending and saving the world comes first, but we know you have a brain for this stuff. We want you to use it.” 

“Yes!”

 

**After Pitfall – Day Eighteen**

It was the voices that grabbed him first, they felt far away drifting close and then further. Then closer.

“He’s coming around.”

‘ _Who?’_ was all he could form in his head. That it was bright out. And his mouth was parched.

Something very cold was touching his lips. Ice chips. He’d been injured. How? What happened? More ice chips made his mouth a little wetter.

_Tired. So tired._

Doctor Chase looked at the monitors. “We had him for a bit, but he’s asleep. Probably for a few hours, but he’s holding at fifty percent neural block right now.”

Herc nodded and looked at his son. His thick head of hair was gone replaced by incoming dark bronze fuzz. His eyebrows were coming back too, but that was it. He looked again and sighed at the gaunt look Chuck had. His skin was pale and pasty. New. No birthmarks or freckles. No scars either. All new.

And his son’s powerful build was gone too. 

“He looks like he did when he was seventeen.” That cut Herc to the core. When he was getting his height and could not gain weight no matter how hard he tried. More to be angry about.

“Marshal, we need to get him through the next two plus days. Then we can get his digestive system and gut flora rebalanced. It’s a process. Get him off the neural block ends phase one. Get him on his feet, eating, and in PT is phase two. Phase three is up to him,” the doctor said.

Raleigh put the cup of ice chips down. “Phase three?”

“Mental and emotional recovery, Ranger. Saving the body is one thing.”

* * *

 

Herc pulled Raleigh into the waiting room once the doctor finished going over the next steps. He sighed as he looked at his hands. “Mako knows some of this, yeah, but you need to know in case it comes up.”

“What? And why have you been avoiding me? Ever since we stopped that conversation about why you think Chuck hates himself.”

“Chuck’s uncle was the biggest hypocritical homophobe on the planet. Caught a few memories of Chuck hearing his uncle and me not stopping it. Mako knows that Chuck is gay and also knows he’s a virgin. He thinks it makes him less of a man. Found out in the drift that a few days after he kissed a boy at the Academy three of that cadet’s friends jumped him. He has a few scars including one on his arm that is now gone. He used to look at it as a reminder of being weak.”

Raleigh got up and paced. “Herc, did he ever try…”

“NO! He’d never. That’d be the ultimate weakness to him. He’s arrogant to hide how scared he is and nothing I’ve tried in and out of the Drift helps. There is a memory of him staring at his body when he was twelve and helpless at the Academy. Seeing him now, was like a ghost drift memory.” Herc sat back and groaned helplessly. “I need your help.”

Without thinking Raleigh squatted down in front of Herc and looked up at him. “Your son is the biggest contradiction I’ve ever seen. I need to know why he was so mad at me.”

“Because you were his idol,” answered Mako as she joined them. “Because a fifteen year old Chuck, who already thought the world of you, saw a tabloid of you kissing that rock star. If it was okay for Raleigh Becket, the best pilot around, to kiss a man then he could too. But he liked you long before he saw that. Your last three months at the Academy he was there. And he liked you some, but you became a great pilot and a mega crush was born.”

“Oh God,” was all Raleigh could mutter before he slumped down. “Then I left.” He could only imagine how it looked. The memory of that first real meeting with Chuck and the anger in his eyes. Heroes disappoint all the time, but Chuck really needed one, just one, and he was let down. Again.

“You left and everything Chuck thought about himself came roaring back. He buried himself in Striker, or school work, or working out. Everything to bury that part he hates the most about himself.” Herc slumped. “We could drift, but it has been nothing but anger since.” He gave Raleigh a ‘look’. “Not your fault, mate. Losing Yancy like that, no one blames you.”

“Wait, school work? He graduated from the Academy.” Raleigh was confused.

Mako started laughing. “Chuck is an overachiever. He officially has a mechanical engineering degree from Stanford with a Robotics minor from the University of Tokyo. He was finishing up his electrical engineering degree from MIT, but I’m not sure where that stands.”

“Complete.” Herc pulled out his tablet. “The Chancellor of MIT contacted me. Let me know everyone was hoping for the best. That Chuck was awarded his Bachelors of Science. They hoped he would continue, when he was recovered, on his Masters.”

“That could be something,” Mako stated as she looked at the medical records. “Push him towards academics. Become the designer he always wanted to be. Build the new models. Put his brain to use if his body doesn’t fully recover to where he wants.”

“I just want to hold my son and tell him that’s it’s okay.” Herc looked at them. “No regrets now, did that already. I want my son to be happy.”

 

**Chuck – jaeger pilot year one**

Chuck aced all the sims at the Academy. Knew how the pons worked and even tried to understand the whole neural handshake. But he was about to test Drift with his dad. Every thing he wanted to hide might be there.

_Focus._

He found his anger and used it as a defense in his mind, keep his dad away from his deepest thoughts. Weave that anger into a shield for his secrets.

“Okay, son, nothing to it. Just relax like they taught you and this should be fine.”

_Of course, the old man wouldn’t be nervous_. Chuck prepared for the neural handshake.

He caught images of Uncle Scott. Scott beating a young man until he was unconscious. Dad finding out and having him arrested. Scott complaining that all faggots deserved that fate.

Next thing Chuck was walking up to Kyle. Trying to flirt with the handsome blond and getting rejected.

_‘Hansen, heard you had the hots for Kyle. Way out of your league, buddy.’_

_‘Fuck off, Ridley.’_

_‘If you’re such a cocksucker why don’t you suck mine?’_

_‘Not bloody likely!’_

He was hit from the side and fought back. He managed to get in a few shots, but three against one and he couldn’t. He was weak. Useless.

The handshake broke. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this last year!”

His father was in his face, furious. “Oi, what, give you more reason to be disappointed!”

Herc turned several shades of red. “You were attacked!”

Chuck took off the helmet and stormed out of the room. “Leave it, old man!”

“Dammit, Chuck!” Herc followed him and grabbed his arm. “Why didn’t you tell me!”

“Why so you’d know Scott was right about me!” Chuck ripped his arm out of Herc’s grip and ran off.

 

**After Pitfall – Day Twenty**

 

Chuck had been in and out. Opening his eyes once or twice, but not really seeing. He did remember telling someone that the monkeys and kangaroos needed to be nicer to the koalas or else the eels would get mad.

“Chuck, we are about to end the interface. You are going to feel pain. I’m sorry it can’t be helped. Just hang on, the morphine will kick in eventually, I promise.”

The next thing he knew he was screaming.

* * *

 

Several of the Striker techs were near Medical when they heard it. Several people came running in and when they found out it was Chuck screaming in agony they all paled. They walked out holding each other and thought of Herc in there listening to his son begging for it to stop.

Tendo stopped just outside the medical wing as several people walked out in tears. He was holding his tears back as he heard the gut-wrenching cries. He needed either Mako or Herc for the incoming call. He turned around and would tell the Defense Secretary they’d call him back. Chuck Hansen was awake and nothing was going to drag either of them from the room.

Raleigh soaked a soft towel in cool water and wiped Chuck’s forehead. No one could touch the young pilot because all his nerves were on fire. He couldn’t help but notice that the kid’s sweat glands were working because he was covered in a sheen of sweat. And he was going through IV fluids like crazy too.

“Chuck, just listen to my voice. It hurts, it hurts like nothing else.” Part of Raleigh remembered Yancy being yanked out of his head and could only relate to that here. “It will get better. Just try to breathe. Focus your breathing. Just a single breath. Just one. Focus.”

Raleigh kept whispering until, after what felt like hours, the kid’s breathing became steady. Tears were streaming from the boy’s eyes, but he was now gritting through the pain.

One of the doctors pulled up the image of Chuck’s brain. “The pain centers are showing reduced activity. Remarkable, this is six hours earlier than we anticipated. Ranger Hansen, the morphine should be able to overtake your pain threshold in the next hour.”

Chuck stared at the doctor and gritted out, “Fightin kaiju easier than this shite!”

“Hey son, you made it.” Herc moved into Chuck’s line of sight.

Blinking back tears, Chuck tried to smile at his dad, but everything hurt. Not like the pain of escaping from Pitfall, but it was close. “Couldn’t leave Max, could I?” he fought back a wave of intense pain. His throat felt like it was on fire. A straw touched his lips and he started taking sips. He knew the drill. Just those few sips felt like heaven. It was an oasis of cool in a lake of fire that was currently ripping up and down his body. “How long?” he managed to grunt out.

“Almost three weeks.”

Another stab of pain stopped his train of thought. He heard the whispers from Raleigh and started focusing again. Single breaths, just one and let the pain fall away. It hurt so much. He was alive.

* * *

 

“His pain receptors in his brain are normal. He’s hours ahead of schedule from where this should be, but we’ll take it. We’ve lowered the morphine dose and will remove the drip at some point overnight. He won’t be up for hours. The next phase starts tomorrow.”

Raleigh took in Chuck propped up against three pillows, looking frail and diminished. He rubbed his own head and frowned. An idea formed in his head. He needed a haircut anyway. Lots of the personnel in the Shatterdome did. Slowly he walked down to the Jaeger bays, empty of jaegers though they were. Lots of work still being done and as he made his way in several of the techs on duty walked up.

Spotting Max, Raleigh walked over and squatted down to give the bulldog some attention. He looked up when several of the techs surrounded him.

“How is our little koala?” The senior tech, he thought was a Debra or Diane, asked. “Heard the screaming. Broke us, most of us remember him as a little guy.”

Raleigh stopped petting Max and stood up. “He’s asleep. They start Physical Therapy tomorrow. Thinking he can move out of the Infirmary in a week once they know his guts are working right.” He sighed and rubbed his hair. “All his hair fell out. Was thinking of shaving mine down since he’s got a bunch of ginger fuzz coming in.”

He looked around and got a lot of nods from the techs. “Not going to lie, not sure how he’s really doing yet. But when he’s released he’s going to need his spirits raised. Docs are worried about that part of his recovery.”

“Jaegers are gone and kaiju vanished. He was never a kid. Maybe he needs a friend to show him some fun,” Debra or Diane pointed out to Raleigh very clearly.

Raleigh got the point and nodded. Chuck needed someone he could swear at. Fight. Vent. Raleigh could do that, be that. He could also encourage. Be there. 

 

**Chuck – Knifehead incident**

It was the longest drift he’d had with his dad and keeping him away from his thoughts and fighting kaiju at the same time took a toll on his mental strength. He downed two more pills to get the headache to manageable levels. Homework on his desk could wait.

He still felt guilty for looking at the Beckets in that layout like he did. Yancy was made out to be the leader, the hero, the fearless one, but something about Raleigh made Chuck’s stomach form knots. As much as he tried to lock it away he couldn’t.

Then there was that kiss! He laid it on that has been rocker, but Raleigh wasn’t playing it for a joke. But no one had asked him about it yet. It was all over the Net and made Chuck even more…infatuated. Not that he would ever admit it. But Becket was a hero an actual hero, not a cartoon or something along those lines.

_If it was okay for him then maybe…_

Chuck let those thoughts run around his head for a few days. That maybe, just maybe. But the last time he stepped out he’d gotten a beat down. Angrily he pushed down that hope, but a spark remained.

He noticed his dad smile at him a few times and Chuck didn’t instantly react. He even gave less sarcastic smirks back. He didn’t feel so angry. The poster on his wall of the American pilots filled him with some pride. If…

The kaiju alarm and the warning for the North Pacific happened. Chuck watched the relays from one of the rooms in the Sydney Shatterdome. He had the audio playing when they left their station on the miracle mile to save that boat. He heard the order and then the attack. Chuck lost his signal and didn’t try to get it back.

Yancy Becket was dead and Raleigh injured. Chuck felt gutted.

Then he found out that Raleigh walked away. Gone.

And Scott’s words hit Chuck square in the face. ‘ _Coward, not a real man._ ’

Chuck pulled down the poster and put it away. Heroes were myths after all. And there was no one to look up to. Chuck was on his own.

 

**After Pitfall – Day Twenty-one**

 

“That looks like sprog spew. Not drinking it!” Chuck regarded the green looking concoction the nurse had with disdain.

“Ranger, that is full of things to get your entire digestive tract restarted. Trust us.”

He gave Doctor Chase the best glare he could muster for feeling like day old road kill. Even his sarcasm felt broken. “I drink that and I’ll spew. You already sent in the bloody Inquisition this morning. Geneva bans torture.” His voice was hoarse from screaming, but he wasn’t going to be pushed into tasting something that look like it came out of a witch’s cauldron fifty years ago. 

Before he knew it a straw was at his lips and an angry Becket glaring at him. “Drink it!”

As much as he wanted to sass the American, fighting with the nurse took everything out of him. Plus that relic torturer from ages past was due back in two hours to get him on his feet.

The taste was neutral at least, or he no longer had taste buds. Now that he thought about it he wasn’t sure he could smell anything. Flashes of the ride up, the intense light and the heat made him wince and pull back.

Raleigh was next to him in a blink. “You okay, Chuck?” He saw the flinch and the disorientation. The kid wasn’t in the room for a moment.

Taking another sip of something that was just cold slush, Chuck opted to ignore his fellow Ranger. He drank up to half before he stopped. Not sure if it was nausea, but he really didn’t feel like blowing everywhere.

“Ranger, do you think you can drink any more…” The nurse stopped at the glare. “We’ll see if we can’t get one that looks more to your liking for dinner.” She left without a backwards glance.

“So how awful was it?” Raleigh asked to fill the silence. He had his share of those already.

“Couldn’t taste it. Not sure if I can smell anything either.” Chuck sighed. His eyes couldn’t focus for long. He couldn’t move his legs well. Holding his arms out had taken considerable will. He was as weak as a newborn kitten. He kept seeing images and he didn’t know what was happening. “Losing my mind.” He leaned back and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

Herc hated this part of the job he never wanted. The image filled the screen. “Mr. Secretary, sorry for the delay in getting back to you.”

The American Secretary of Defense shrugged. “How is Chuck? Everyone here is pulling for him.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “Herc, we just voted to reopen Pearl and turn over our two unfinished jaegers. PPDC will be getting your full request from us. I think that was $15 billion if I recall correctly.”

Stunned, Herc pulled up a file. “Sir, it was $4 billion.”

“Then fifteen will do nicely. Chuck is young and a hero. Just letting you know that all kinds of honors are on the way for you guys. Please inform Becket that Congress wants a photo op and all of you will get the Medal of Honor. We’ll wait for Chuck to recover.” The Secretary smiled. “Herc, we served together when you were a green officer. I’m an old war horse now and I can’t imagine, losing Ryan…tell Chuck he’s done enough. Same to Raleigh. Saving the world gets you a lifetime appointment to the beach. You and Ms. Mori can take yours when you’re ready.”

He didn’t know what to say. “They’re young John, not sure being lazy is in the cards.”

“I’ve been your friend for years. We’ve followed Chuck with profound interest since he went into the Academy. He’s never taken a vacation. He needs time away. He’ll need a chaperone.”

“That is a battle down the road. Need to get him walking first.” Herc stated as he ended the call. Despite what Mako and Raleigh did, he knew what Chuck had done. He went to his son’s quarters while they were en route to Pitfall. He saw the boxes and he saw the sent message to Tendo. Then when they thought he was dead before they found that last escape pod. Now his son looked lost and broken. No matter what Chuck needed, Herc was going to make sure he had it. Those screams still echoed in his mind.

He did agree with his old friend on one point: Chuck and Raleigh were retired. Full benefits and a salary from the PPDC until they were laid to rest. He’d take his retirement in a few years, but those two were done. He didn’t want his son inside a jaeger ever again.

_Should never have allowed it in the first place._

**After Pitfall - Day Twenty-four**

Raleigh watched as Chuck used the walker to get to the private restroom in his ward. The kid wasn’t quite on solid foods yet, but he was finishing more of those shakes and eaten mild foods. He’d casually mentioned the smell thing to Dr. Chase and the medical guys did some swabs which led to some epic Chuck glares at him, but now the kid was complaining he could smell everything. His eyes were also focusing more too. Chuck Hansen was a mess, but he was walking. And being released in two days.

He wasn’t as talkative, but there were the afternoon sessions with a psychiatrist who was a very nice lady from what Raleigh could tell. She was just getting a feel for Chuck and didn’t expect answers or much conversation yet. Her job, as she told Raleigh very clearly, was when Chuck started to really hit walls and started to realize how much damage he needed to recover from. Right now, he was still in a daze from waking up. But the medical team knew what they were doing. At least Raleigh hoped they did.

Chuck did his business and walked back to the bed. Even those few steps took so much out of him. He caught Raleigh reading something and he shook his head. Chuck tried looking at his tablet, but couldn’t hold it well and then the words started to blur. The doctors said that was normal given the intensity of damage done to his eyes, but they were still healing. Another thing he didn’t know he broke. The list of stuff that worked was shorter than what was broken at this point.

“Your personal torturer will be here in an hour. How do you feel?”

Loaded question that Chuck couldn’t wrap his head around. Still felt like he was disjointed. “Tired.”

Raleigh turned on the music that the techs were playing in Medical. It was meditational, soothing. They were throwing everything at Chuck to get him well. All it did for Raleigh was make him sleepy. Which when he thought about it, might not be so bad for patients.

* * *

 

It was late and he was alone. Finally. His legs ached from all the stretching. His arms ached from all the movements. His core felt like it had been pummeled. He wondered if this was how rocks felt after going through a rock grinder. The worst part was he still couldn’t focus.

“Ah Ranger, you’re still awake. I was just going to do one last check on you before I left for the evening.”

There was no one around to make him feel stupid so he went for it. “I keep seeing double, but not all the time. Makes me feel like I’m going crazy.”

Dr. Chase frowned and went over to a display and did some checking. “Ah, our fault for that. We’ll talk about this little gift next week once you’re further along, but that should be better. Yes?”

Chuck blinked and suddenly his eyes really focused and he could see everything. Unfortunately, the doctor was then shining a little light right into his eyes and making him look up, down, sideways…At least he didn’t have to move any other body parts.

“Your eyes have fully recovered. Those were ghost images you were getting. Don’t worry about it right now. Get some rest.”

He turned slightly and tried to go to sleep. He knew what ghosting was and that was not it.

 

**After Pitfall - Day Twenty-six**

 

Chuck stood numb in front of the mirror he ordered to be brought in. No one was around as he stared at his reflection. He noticed light coming in from the shaded windows, but he just stared.

“ _Chuck_ ,” came the whispered plea from his Dad as he walked in and saw his son rooted to the spot in front of the mirror. Naked and slightly shivering.

He looked at his body and felt lost. Nothing, maybe he was numb. Maybe he was insane. But his hair was gone everywhere, the top of his head looked fuzzy and his muscles were gone. But it was everything else. All the battle scars, all the mementos of youth and wild energy. The scar on his knee from cutting it when he was three. The constellation of moles that his mother said looked like Orion, gone.

Freckles, all gone.

His tattoos, the one he got of Max and the one he got on his hip to celebrate a private milestone.

All gone.

He just stared at his blank form. The calluses he’d developed over the years on his hands and feet were gone. Blank.

Chuck Hansen, the Ranger, was gone. Staring from the mirror was…nobody.

“Chuck,” pleaded his dad as he pulled the robe around his son’s shoulders. Slowly he guided him to the bed. He looked for anger, something, but found just emptiness in his son’s eyes and for the first time since they brought Chuck in, Herc Hansen was really worried if Chuck would recover.

* * *

 

Mako pulled her strength together after talking with the Marshal. She listened as he almost broke down. Raleigh had looked like he wanted to punch someone. Right now Chuck was in with the psychiatrist while Herc tried to get some footing back. Then all the members of Striker’s tech crew started arriving and all of them had shaved their heads.

“Didn’t want Chuck to feel self-conscious now did we,” said one of the crew.

A few of the security personnel and other staff started lining the hall, and all had cut their hair. Mako took a deep breath and then lightly punched Raleigh. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I like the blue streaks in your hair.” He smiled at her and then knocked on the door that led to Chuck’s room. He walked in and kept the smile on his face even though it looked like Chuck hadn’t said a word during the session.

One of the doctors went into the room with Herc. He waited for the doors to close after the psychiatrist left. “Ranger, there is one last thing we need to discuss. Please sit, this will be a bit uncomfortable.”

The display went live and the doctor pointed to one of the readings. “Your testosterone levels are nonexistent. We didn’t worry about this until now.”

Chuck paled and grabbed at his crotch. “What happened?”

“The level of radiation effectively, your testes have ceased functioning.” The doctor raised his hand to stop the panic on Chuck’s face. “We waited until the end to fix this because it has to be explained and you don’t want to be in the medical ward when your hormone levels start to elevate. We are going to introduce cellular materials that will restart all their functions including hormone generation. However, in two months we’ll have to do the same therapy again to bring you back to adult male levels.”

Herc rubbed his forehead and tried to help his son who looked seconds from freaking out. “Was there any other damage?”

“No, it was only testicular atrophy; your penis is intact and fully functional. I am afraid that the side effect of this therapy will be to, effectively you’ll go through puberty again to a degree. This will kickstart hair follicle development. Your growth plates have fused so you’re not going to get taller, but it should also force muscle redevelopment. The second phase in two months will…” The doctor paused and moved right in front of Chuck. “You asked how long it will take to get your body back. After this treatment, then the treatment in two months, we expect you to be back to your natural hormone levels in six months. Full muscular restoration, you’ll start to see the results you want in another six months, but don’t push it. Your body has been taxed to the limit and then some. I can’t stress how lucky you are to even be standing right now. Thank you for saving the world.”

Raleigh moved over and sat next to Chuck. “You’ll be fine. This is just another part of healing.”

The doctor had Chuck lean back and administered the two shots to begin full endocrine function. Chuck squeezed Herc’s hand as they injected his nuts with some fluid. He was glad only his dad and Raleigh knew. Chuck knew he’d tell Mako soon enough. Couldn’t keep secrets from her, never could.

“Okay, done. You’ll be a bit sore for two days and start to really feel the change within four days. You are pushing all the boundaries of our expectations so maybe in two days.” The doctor gave Chuck a pat on the shoulder and helped him up. “You are free to sleep in your own bed.”  

Chuck was uncomfortable, irritated, and just done. He hated everything and wanted to be numb. Blank. But when the doors opened and he saw the hallway lined with people. He stopped. He just stopped. His crew was there smiling at him. None of them had hair, they had all cut it short.

“Couldn’t have you think we didn’t want to visit, yeah? Been watching out for you for years, pup.” Debra, lead technician, stepped forward and gave him a light hug. “Once you’re on your feet for sure we’re throwing you a big party.”

One tear then another flowed as Chuck slowly walked down the hall, he shook hands with each person. He didn’t get any words out, but each hand shake, each nod, conveyed what he could not manage to say. ‘ _Thank you._ ’

Raleigh and Mako trailed behind and also thanked everyone who was there while Herc was right next to Chuck and his shoulders were shaking as he made sure Chuck was stable.

Once Chuck was at his bunk, exhausted from that one walk, he was helped down by Raleigh. He reached over and rubbed his hand over the very short hair on Raleigh’s head. “Your idea?”

“Yes.” He reached over and rubbed Chuck’s head. “Didn’t want you to feel self-conscious. I know you feel betrayed by your body right now.” He motioned to his left arm before Chuck could get defensive. “Which those witch-doctors fixed for me. You have to give yourself time.”

“They won’t tell me how long it will be before I’m fully active and returned to duty.” Chuck pouted, but then took in all the gifts around the room. “When?”

Herc and Mako smiled as they came in with a few more. Max happily trotting along behind them. “Chuck, everyone in the world has been waiting to hear that you made it. Everyone.” 

“Huh,” Chuck honestly didn’t know what to do with that.

 

**Chuck – One year before Pitfall**

 

He wasn’t stupid. He knew what the reports said and he knew the losses they were taking. He was only twenty years old and he was one of the few people left defending humanity. His only friend was four-legged, furry, and loved to drool on him. Part of him wanted to grab his dad and go celebrate, but the distance between them was vast. He wasn’t the son that a man like Herc Hansen wanted or deserved. The right words never came when they tried to talk. The end was coming, but he wanted to hold onto this moment.

But there was the notice. Over five years of hard work and he’d managed it. Stanford said he had a degree in mechanical engineering. He wasn’t licensed and the way the war was going, probably never would be, but even with everything he had to do, he’d done something kids all over the world managed at his age.

For one moment, he felt normal.

“Max, I passed,” Chuck whispered as he gave Max a belly rub. “I did it.”

Before he knew it, he was out in Sydney and heading for a place to celebrate. The parlor was clean. He handed over some cash. He waited and went to the back. He took off his pants and moved his boxer-briefs to expose his hip. Where no one would ever see it, he had Stanford logo inked onto his body. He probably would never see the new campus, but for the moment he wanted to feel like he was normal.

 

**After Pitfall - Day Thirty**

Scrambled eggs and toast. At least they had a runner deliver him meals so he didn’t have to walk so much yet. Bad enough he was up to three PT sessions a day; legs, arms, and then core. He looked over at his desk and there were two hanging frames and still seeing them made him feel - weird. And all the boxes he packed where gone. His room was decorated almost the way he wanted, but just enough to know he didn’t do it.

No one would confess who did it – any of it, but his diplomas were hanging there. Two. MIT and Stanford. He never put those out. In fact this was the first time he learned that he passed MIT.

A knock on the door broke the spell and he yelled it was open. His dad ordered him to leave it unlocked until he was no longer under medical supervision. He was surprised with Dr. Chase strolled in.

“Ranger, time for that other talk.”

Chuck motioned to the chair. He wasn’t moving until he had to.

“We gave you a neural implant that allows you to interface with networks. That was the ghost images you were picking up. You were getting some data overflow into your visual synapses.” He pulled out a device Chuck swore was bought on Amazon. “This is the external interface if you want. When home just connect and think about what you need and it will start streaming that data.”

“What?” Chuck’s body was like a thirteen-year olds and now his brain could directly access data networks. “I can’t even think about that right now.”

“No worries, you’re an engineer, you’ll figure it. After all, you’ve been Drifting for almost ten years. This will become second nature to you.” With that the doctor left.

Honestly, he could not deal with the implant thing yet. His body ached, his left knee was almost fully mobile, and once that happened he was going to be put on a stationary bike. And the rowing machine. Plus they upped his dietary intake too. Still restricted on what he could eat, now more of it. Yay for him.

It felt like he was going from one therapy to another with little time to himself. The fact that he was always tired was explained that his body was still in recovery mode. Every time he caught his reflection, Chuck wanted to know who that stranger was. Now he had something in his head.

“Yeah, I’m here, but what does that mean?”

* * *

 

The knock on the door broke Chuck from his daze. He smiled though as Raleigh walked in holding a small bottle. “Please don’t tell me its more medicine. Mate, I take more pills now than I eat food.”

Closing and locking the door behind him, Raleigh shook his head and held the bottle out to Chuck. “Not oral medicine, but a type of body lotion to help with your muscle soreness and your skin. Your torturers thought you might like this better coming from me instead of them. They tried and you stayed tense.”

“Bunch of wankers trying to kill me after the Kaiju failed,” muttered Chuck. He frowned as Raleigh started to lift Chuck’s shirt up. “I…I don’t want you to see me this way.” He couldn’t look Raleigh in the eyes and turned away.

Gently placing a finger on Chuck’s chin, he turned Chuck’s head back toward him. “You’re not weak. You’re recovering. Please, it will help.”

“Fine.” Chuck groaned as he lifted his sore arms over his head to take off the t-shirt. He desperately wanted to cover his body, but simply sighed and let Raleigh start to rub that stuff on him. “Do you know who unpacked my stuff?”

“I did. Mako and I came in here for Max’s stuff and…it broke us. We couldn’t have your dad see it so, she kept him busy while I started putting your stuff into place. I know it’s not the way you’d want it, but you can rearrange.” He gently guided Chuck to lying down and on his stomach. He applied more lotion and work his arms, back, and legs.

“Didn’t want dad to have to do it, ya? Was already afraid losing me would…” Chuck took a deep breath. “Glad I made it back so we’ll never know.”

Raleigh paused and helped Chuck roll over. He stared at the man under him. “You know, the Chuck Hansen I met when I got here was kind of a dick. Damned fine pilot though. Brave son of a gun. But this Chuck Hansen,” Raleigh point at Chuck’s heart,” This Chuck is right here, is braver. I want to get to know this Chuck. The one who studied so hard, that reads, the one few, maybe none, got to know.”

Chuck sighed and sat up a bit. “This is either a dream or nightmare.”

“A little of both, we need to get you to where you are comfortable being you again. Right now, you aren’t close.” Raleigh gave Chuck’s shoulder a squeeze. “Now, two things. This needs to be applied every other day so let me know when and I’ll do it. Two, drink the shakes.

“Three days after Pitfall, I was placed in a chair and ordered to swallow something. Next thing I know all these diagnostic things light up. Two hours later they have this thing in my neck and they are doing something in my brain.” Raleigh glared at Chuck. “Then I’m on an IV and drinking a shake. My brain damage was being repaired from solo piloting twice and they were fixing my hydration and malnutrition issues. You aren’t the only one being bossed around. Just the one getting most of the bossing.”

Chuck rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine, mate.”

 

**After Pitfall - Day Forty**

**  
** “Chuck, I think we’ve avoided a few things in our sessions, but I need to ask you something; why do you hate yourself? You’re the youngest pilot ever, achieved an impressive work of saving people, managed under tremendous strain to complete your education. You’ve accomplished so much and you’re still young. Why?”

The words wouldn’t form. He’d never said them. “My uncle said real men couldn’t… See how…” He took a deep breath. “I’m not supposed to be this way.”

Dr. Tan leaned forward. “What way?”

_Deep breath, don’t panic. I can say it._ “Gay.”

“Why do you say that?” She moved her chair closer and placed her hand on his. “Listen to me, Ranger, you are not less of a man if you love another man.”

“Never even kissed one. Tried once and got beaten up for it.” Chuck really wanted to shut up now. Really didn’t know why he was speaking at all. “Stayed busy with other things.”

“Buried yourself in work so you had the excuse. Projected the image of the brash Ranger for the world to see, but really hid it all. Yes?”

He’d never been one to fidget much, just did. Now his hands couldn’t leave the hem of his shirt alone. A new shirt since nothing he had in is closet or wardrobe fit. Nothing fit anywhere. “Yeah.”

“I’m going to ask you something very personal and I want you to think about this carefully. Have you ever masturbated just for pleasure or was it all about relief? A quick tug in the shower or morning and off to your day you went?”

Chuck’s face burned bright red he knew. His dad caught him once and he knew his dad caught glimpses of what Chuck thought when he pounded his pud, but this was mortifying. He wanted to leave desperately. Dropping his head into his hands he wanted to ignore the question, but this was out there now.

“I think I have my answer. I’m also a medical doctor and I know what your files say. Has your sex drive returned?”

It just kept getting worse. “I wake up harder than a steel beam now, so I think so.”

She smiled and leaned back. “In the next day or two, I want you to take your time. Explore your body and find your pleasure zones. See what you like.” She looked him square in the eye. “You’ve never taken the time to enjoy anything. You need to stop hating yourself and one small step is to start enjoying simple pleasures. Lock your door so no one will barge in. I’ll write it up.

“I want you to relax and explore sensations you’ve never indulged. You don’t have to tell me about it in detail, just tell me you did it.”

* * *

 

Herc circled Raleigh as they traded blows in the Kwoon. Medical was on Herc to stay active and this was the time that Chuck was with his psychiatrist meaning Raleigh wasn’t hovering. That brought a smile to his face as he feinted left and moved down to the right. That moved Becket out of position and in an instant, flat on his back again for the fourth time.

“How is this fun for me again?” Raleigh asked as Herc helped him up. “Glad no one is here to see me get embarrassed.”

Moving to the side, Herc picked up a towel to wipe the sweat off his face and exposed arms. “Fun for me at least. You’re looking rested.”

“I have a schedule to keep and medical is also watching what I eat. Making sure Chuck recovers has given me a regimen. Though…it’s been two weeks since he was released from the infirmary. He still doesn’t seem to…he still looks lost.” Raleigh glanced over at Herc and shook his head. “He needs something to get motivated. Right now, he’s just…”

“He feels betrayed that he’s weak. That he can’t do anything right now.” Herc shook his head. “He actually yelled, came close to yelling, that he can’t even walk around the Dome for more than fifteen to twenty minutes tops before tiring out. He said Max can take longer walks than him.”

“Herc, give him the new jaeger designs. Let him look at them. Let him apply his mind even for only an hour or two a day.” Raleigh wiped his own head off. “Those board games arrived. We should have game night soon.” He changed the subject because he knew all the time he’d spent with Chuck had developed into a deep bond, beyond friendship. He wasn’t ready to talk to Herc about how much he cared for the man’s son. He’d come to see the determination in Chuck and also all the losses. The paradox that was Chuck Hansen. He wanted to make sure the kid was safe, felt safe. He wanted Chuck to _feel_ better. About everything.

The Marshal paused and thought for a second. “I’ll see what the doctors think. Even they aren’t on the same page on how to deal with Chuck.” He patted Raleigh on the back and moved back to the mat. Mako and he weren’t fools. They saw the looks Raleigh gave Chuck. “As for game night, I think that is a great idea. Don’t think we ever played any. Might be nice to learn what fun is again.”

 

**After Pitfall - Day Forty-Five**

Glancing down at the chess board, Chuck knew that he was going to lose in five moves. There was no gambit he could do that would save him at this point. He looked over at his opponent and sighed. “Sorry, I’ve been avoiding you.”

Mako moved her queen into position and nodded. “We’ve known each other a long time, Chuck. Even when you were mad at me, we talked.”

Sighing, Chuck leaned back on his bed and shrugged. “How do you tell your friend he’s sorry he couldn’t save her father? That he sacrificed himself to save you? How?”

She reached over and placed her hands over his. “He went out fighting, Chuck. He went out how he wanted. And he made sure you came back to your father and Max.”

Squeezing her hands tightly, he looked her in the eye. His eyes shimmering. “He loved you very much. He didn’t hide that in the Drift.”

“Chuck, what else did you see?” She pulled a hand out and wiped a tear from his face. In all the years she’d known him what she saw most was anger and determination. Now all she saw was confusion, pain, and something else. “You shared everything with me, including how cute a certain jaeger pilot was when you were fourteen…”

Groaning, Chuck turned and buried his face in a pillow. “Please tell me Raleigh didn’t see that.”

“He knows he was a hero of yours.” She stroked his hair that was slowly growing back in. “He saw you as you were then too. Thinks you were cute.”

Chuck turned back to Mako and took a deep breath. “Mako, your father showed me how concerned dad was for me. I saw several talks where dad wondered if I was okay, if he did right by me. He asked if he was a terrible person because I climbed into the conn-pod before I was sixteen. I never saw any of that from him.”

“You’ve been angry for so long and now its burned out. You can see things in a different light.” She glanced back at the board. “Three games to two, I win. I talked to some people and a delivery is coming for you in a few days. Consider it a very big birthday present.”

“What is it?” Chuck rarely got gifts. Max was the best gift he’d ever been given and he was so glad he had his beloved dog.

“I’m not spoiling the surprise.”

* * *

 

Chuck finished his weights and went back on the rowing machine. He still hadn’t done what the doc had asked. Sure, he woke up harder than ever, but he didn’t have the desire. The therapy finally had him back to full range of motion in arms, legs, and back. Now they added yoga to his training and the lap pool was reopened for his next phase. He wasn’t the best swimmer, but they wanted him to do low impact repetitive exercises. Swimming it was then.

So many things on his mind. Stuff running around in his head from his sessions with Dr. Tan. Covered in sweat and looking like a mess, Chuck started walking towards the Administration section. He could make the walk at a normal pace now and not be exhausted. Small steps.

Not many people were around and Chuck knocked on his father’s door after pausing for a moment.

“Dad, do you have a minute?”

Herc looked up and smiled. “Absolutely, what’s on your mind?”

Closing the door behind him as he walked in Chuck paused and looked around the office. He spotted two pictures he’d never seen before. Chuck smiling after their first kill and Chuck kneeling down to pet Max. He glanced over and barely got the words out, “Are you proud of me?”

It took Herc a second and his heart broke. He got up and wrapped Chuck in the biggest hug he could. “You’re my son, I’m sorry you even have to ask the question. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I love you enough. Because I do.”

Chuck leaned his head on Herc’s shoulder and hugged him back. “Dr. Tan thinks I was so mad at you so I protected myself when I let you down.”

“Listen to me,” Herc pulled back to look his son right in his shimmering wet eyes. “You’ve been the best son a person could possibly ask for. You will never disappoint me.” He wanted to get Chuck to realize that he trusted him. Loved him completely. He rubbed Chuck’s damp hair. “Even when you are a little shit, I love you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Thanks, dad.” Chuck hugged him tighter. “Just needed to hear it.”

 

**Chuck – Two weeks before Pitfall**

He could not believe who he just saw sauntering in like he owned the fucking world, the wanker Raleigh Becket. The fallen hero was back to save the day when there were no more days left. He couldn’t. He’d deal with Becket later. Chuck stormed off to his bunk.

This wasn’t home. This wasn’t his room. He had boxes of stuff since Sydney was being shut down and they’d known for a month. Thankfully Striker was still around to save Sydney, again. Didn’t really see the reason to unpack much. Max’s things obviously because Max was the best.

Moving over to the desk, he looked down at the project he’d been working on for a month. He pulled up the MIT site and loaded everything to their servers. _Submit_.

Done.

Chuck groaned as he plopped back on his bed. Becket was back and fuck if Chuck hadn’t felt his cock go from zero to ready to rock in two seconds flat. Maybe that was why he felt light-headed, all his blood moved down.

Heroes disappoint.

A lesson he kept in mind all the time. His father. His uncle. His…

_Nope, not going there._

Opting instead for accomplishing something instead of wallowing, he headed for the bays. The great thing about growing up as Herc Hansen’s son was all the J-Techs knew who he was and that he loved nothing more than be elbow deep in their workings. He knew the crews for Crimson Typhon and Cherno Alpha. He wanted to see what changes the engineers made that weren’t on the updated schematics. One of the lessons he knew heading to the academy. What existed on paper may not exist in reality.

It was hours later when he was pulled from Striker. He looked up and rolled his eyes. “Busy here!”

“You need food and I need you to meet someone.” Herc pulled Chuck up. “You’ll like him.”

 

**After Pitfall - Day Fifty-Five**

For Chuck this was horrible. He had the bo in his hand, wearing gloves to protect his uncallused hands. He started with a basic stance and slowly went through the first progression. He stopped after trying to move to the third sequence and his body couldn’t do it. Pure frustration that he couldn’t do what was so easy just a few weeks ago.

“This is what happens when I leave you alone for even a moment,” joked Raleigh, but one look at Chuck’s face made him sober. He reached out and took the staff from his fellow Ranger. “You’ve been out of the infirmary for a month. You swam laps yesterday.” He stopped and looked at Chuck. He went over and grabbed his own bo.

“You need to start at the beginning and the muscle memory will return.” Raleigh walked through the basic forms with Chuck for several minutes. They went through a few light contacts before Raleigh planted his foot just a little too far and Chuck tripped over it. But he tried to stop his fall and ended up pulling Raleigh down as well.

“Sorry, didn’t mean that.” Chuck felt all that sweaty, warm weight on him. It felt _nice_. His eyes widened as he realized what was happening. “I gotta go.” He got up and ran back to his bunk. He didn’t realize that is was the first time he’d sprinted since before Pitfall.

Raleigh came running in, out of breath. “Chuck are you okay?”

Torn between lying and the humiliating truth, he opted to shrug.

Concern deepened on Raleigh’s face until he noticed the prominent bulge in Chuck’s shorts. All that contact and… “Chuck, don’t worry about it.”

Face burning in mortification, Chuck tried to get mad, but could only fall to exasperated. “Almost shot off without warning like some kid!”

“And if you had, I’d say glad you got off.” Raleigh plopped down on the bed and motioned for Chuck to sit next to him. He pulled him into a hug and pulled even harder as Chuck stiffened slightly and finally relaxed into the hug. “For the longest time, I couldn’t even think about jerking off. Man in his early twenties, should be as natural as waking up every morning. But I couldn’t. It was as few weeks after Pitfall that I finally did. I lasted two minutes.”

He turned and gave Chuck a smile and winked. “I’m twenty-six and should last longer than two minutes. This morning I lasted five.” He loved the blush that went across Chuck’s face with his open admission. He ran his hand through Chuck’s thick mess of hair. “Do not be ashamed. I’m back to doing it twice a day now when before Knifehead, I…Yancy constantly told me to keep my hand away from my dick. He didn’t want a replay in the Drift.”

Chuck laughed at the image of that, knowing how he had a scene or two in his head, courtesy of Herc, that he never wanted to know about. He looked down at his hands and then over at Raleigh. “Ray, doc wants to me take my time and enjoy it. Always been a tug in the shower and off to work.”

“What did you used to think about? What did you imagine when you let yourself?” Raleigh watched Chuck’s reactions closely. He knew they were treading near dangerous and deeply personal waters. For both of them.

Taking his time, Chuck looked at Raleigh and summoned his courage. “Always had a thing for blonds with gorgeous blue eyes. Didn’t know what it meant when I was just starting the Academy. Never stopped really, even after you left.” He barely managed to get the last part out in a whisper. Admitting something he’d denied for so long. Even though he told Mako of his crush ages ago, he knew his father still caught glimpses of Chuck’s fantasies. A world where Yancy was alive. A world where he and Raleigh met without so much trauma. One where people like his uncle let boys like him grow up in peace.

Raleigh leaned over and kissed Chuck’s forehead. “Got time for all of that yet. I’m not going anywhere. This is home. But, I’m going to leave here and you will follow doctor’s orders. Think of all the things you want me to do with you, but take your time. More importantly, don’t get upset if you can’t control it and shoot off quickly. We both have to learn some skills again.” With that he got up and walked out the door.

Chuck heard the lock engage. He swallowed. His cock was rock hard again. He feared even touching his crotch for fear of cumming. Standing up, he took off his shoes, socks, and slipped off his shorts. He pulled off his t-shirt and stood in front of the mirror. He was still too thin, but his muscle definition was returning. Not the heavy bulk he’d carried, but the lean muscles they wanted developed first.

His cock was prominent in his jockstrap. He’d switched to them while he couldn’t control his erections. The desire, the arousal, it never felt like this that he could remember. Reaching down to free his cock and instantly he was filling the mesh with his spunk. He jacked his cock just slightly, allowing his foreskin to caress his glans and he moaned loudly at the sensation. Two more pumps through the mesh and he was using his other hand to support his weight against the wall.

He wasn’t sure how long it took him to get his bearings back, but he laughed at the mess in his jock and on the floor. A thread of exhilaration wove through him and he caught the broad grin reflecting back at him. “Guess I do need a wank more often. Forget how good it felt. Shower first because fuck, what a mess!”

 

**Chuck – Pitfall minus twelve hours**

And there it was; a one-way trip for him. Chuck had the honor of piloting with his father and now, another original, Stacker Pentecost. There was no way that the Marshal would survive this. He was hanging on by will alone.

He looked around the room and started putting a few things back into boxes. He didn’t want his dad to have to do it. Fuck! Twenty-one years old and heading on a suicide mission to save humanity. And everything about him was going to fit into these few boxes. How would he be remembered? He was an asshole, he knew that. But he was out there fighting to keep everyone safe when people wanted to hide. He’d been fighting or preparing to fight half his life.

How do you tell your dad good-bye? He’d always been so angry with him. Never felt like he was good enough. So much of the Drift was closed off to him. He learned to do the same. Now it was too late.

Focusing, he put a few more things in boxes and started sealing them. Didn’t want his dad to do this. He’d given plenty and now he’d give up his only kid. He typed out a message.

 

 

> ‘ _Tendo,_
> 
> _take care of him. And make sure Max is okay too. He’ll look for me. Make sure he stays close to dad. Don’t want the old man searching him down because he’s looking for me._
> 
> _Thanks, Chuck’_

 

He wouldn’t send it until it was time to suit up. Most of his things were put up. A few things left like apologizing to Raleigh. He let a smile cross his face. One last time.

Unzipping, he pulled down his pants and boxer-briefs. He looked good, but thin. Chuck would take care of him. He let himself imagine all that skin, scarred or not. They all had war scars. Touch, taste, smell. He was hard and aching now.

_One last time…_

**After Pitfall - Day Sixty**

“Why did we agree to do this,” demanded Herc as the studio set was put in place.

Mako tried not to roll her eyes. “Chuck agreed to do a live interview if it was the only one. The Media Office’s number one request is updates on his health. It’s been two months since Pitfall. There is only so much Raleigh or I can say. Chuck was _the_ face of the jaeger program for the last five years.”

Those initial reports after Pitfall were clear that Chuck Hansen was in critical condition. Then it was announced he was in a medically induced coma. Herc knew what the Media Office was dealing with. His personal number and email were still nonstop asking about his son. He straightened the jacket on his Dress Blues. The whole Shatterdome was in Dress Uniform for this.

Raleigh leaned against the wall and chuckled. “You didn’t have to hear him complaining the whole time they refitted his uniform. At least he’s got some color back and freckles on his face again. His jacket size is smaller by two full sizes.”

Herc was glad that Chuck’s daily appointments were after this interview. He had a feeling this was going to quite the show.”

* * *

 

“Thank you for talking to us, Ranger Hansen,” stated CNN International reporter Emilie Rucker. “The world was eager to hear about your recovery. So how are you doing?”

Chuck shrugged a little. “Well, I did survive being in a nuclear blast radius so there is that.”

She paused for a moment at that information. “Is it true you were in a medically induced coma for weeks?”

Chuck nodded and gave a small grin. “My doctors went above and beyond the call of duty to save my life. My…family has tried to shield me from the true extent of their worry, but the medical team has been very clear about the extent of my injuries.”

“Family?”

The smile Chuck gave was nothing short of brilliant. “My dad, Ranger Mori, who is the sister of my heart, and Ranger Becket. A right bloody bastard who is the scourge of my life and a walking nightmare. But he has pushed me every step of the way and there is no way to put into words how grateful I’ve been and will be for his presence in my life.”

Back in the viewing area, Herc covered his mouth as Mori elbowed Raleigh in the ribs. He grunted and just watched as the interview proceeded. He looked at his co-pilot and asked, “What was that?”

Herc laughed and patted Raleigh on the back. “Do we need to have a talk? Because that was as close to a declaration of love as I’ve ever heard Chuck say.”  

* * *

 

Glad to be out of that uniform and back into something that was comfortable, Chuck kept working on the weights. He never liked interviews, but this one was being replayed over and over. Commentary on how thin he looked and how extensive his injuries were made him mad. He wasn’t weak.

“Hey little Hansen, what has you so worked up? The interview went well!”

Looking up, he gave Tendo Choi a half smile. “Never liked those things. They just wanted the cocky, cocksure, pilot, ‘Chuck Hansen’ instead of wounded Chuck Hansen.” He got up from the machine, feeling the pull of muscles he’d pushed too far. “At least they are giving good quotes.”

A laugh from Tendo made Chuck look over at the Chief. “Chuck, when it is all finally written about the war and how we fought it, the best quotes will all be yours.” He looked at the kid and smiled fondly. “I’m glad you made it and in mostly one piece. Saw you and your dad the other day.” He reached out and put his hand on Chuck’s forearm. “The whole…for almost an hour we all thought…” Tendo squeezed the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “We thought another father was going to have to mourn a fallen son. Seeing the two of you hugging was…perfect.”

Chuck blushed and hid his face a bit. “Getting there.”

“And what about Raleigh? How’s that going?”

Panic rose for an instant and then vanished, Chuck shrugged, “Haven’t talked about anything. Mates really.”

Scoffing, Tendo shook his head. “Chuckster, I want someone to look at me like you look at him. And don’t tell me I’m wrong because Mako Mori can be quite the gossip when she wants to be. And she’s known you longest.”

He trusted Tendo. “Mate, I’ve never even said the words. Never even told my dad.”

Rolling his eyes, “That you’re gay? Raleigh let the PR people show him off with every lady they could find. When he kissed what’s-his-face they about died. It was awesome!” He slapped Chuck on the back. “Start with your dad. See ya, Little Hansen!”  He turned back. “Oh, clean up because your dad wants to see you before your evening meal!”

He went and cleaned up. He smiled at a few people on the way. Shook a few hands and nodded to others. People cared and that made his heart a little lighter. He waved at his dad and was motioned in while he was still on the phone.

“Proud of you son. Did a damned good interview, got lots of calls about it. They want to see you again when you don’t look so…thin.”

Chuck rolled his eyes and sat down. “Not sure it went so great.”

“Oh? Why not?” Herc sat down to his son and took a hand in his. He took a stab. “Was it because of what you said about Raleigh?”

“Dad,” he paused. He needed to say this. His dad might know, but he had to say the words. He had to _tell_ his dad. “I need to tell you something.” He looked over and saw nothing but concern and love. _Deep breath_. “I’m gay.”

Herc smiled and pulled Chuck into a full hug. Then he stood up and pulled his son up. Wrapping and arm across his son’s shoulders he smiled. “Come with me.”

Slowly they made their way towards the top observation deck. For all the people they ran across they saw a father and son walking together. Chuck didn’t know what to think. Then they were outside and the sun was beginning to set. “Oi, why are we out here?”

“Say it again,” Herc said with a smile on his face.

“You taking a piss, old man? Just told you I’m gay and you bring me here?”

“Ships are coming into the harbor, the birds are flying, the wind is blowing, and the world is still spinning. It’s okay Chuck.” Herc pulled him into a bone crushing hug. “Do not ever apologize for who you are. I’m sorry we didn’t talk about this years ago.”

Chuck buried his face in his dad’s neck. “Thank you.”

“Love you, son. And boy did you just tell anyone paying attention that you are head over heels for Raleigh Becket!”

Chuck buried his face into his dad’s neck and groaned. “Ugh!”

* * *

 

It was time. He needed to get back into a routine. This was the final week of this schedule anyway. Physical therapy was now exercise sessions that were monitored. Visits to Dr. Tan were down to three times a week instead of everyday. So he could do this. He turned the corner and walked into the Mess.

And stopped cold as everyone stood up and clapped.

“Did you tell them I was coming?” he demanded of his grinning like a loon father.

“Had no clue, mate. None.” Herc looked in the direction of Raleigh and Mako who were grinning like mad too. “Now those two…”

Chuck waved to coworkers and thanked them. He made his way to the line. “I am officially allowed to eat whatever I want.” The kitchen staff laughed as he still added veg to his tray and kept the American devilry known as chicken-fried steak to a half portion.

He glared at the still laughing Mako and Raleigh as he sat down. “I’m on to you two.” He moved his fork back and forth at them.

“Innocent, totally innocent over here,” Raleigh managed to get out. “Though that doesn’t sound very grateful for the scourge of your life.”

“Oi!” Chuck dropped his head in his hands. He knew he’d never live that down.

 

**After Pitfall - Day Sixty-two**

He wasn’t sure why Mako wanted to meet him in one of the pilot common rooms when there were only four pilots left and one, maybe two, were never piloting again. He didn’t want to go down that road just yet. He flicked the switch on and smiled broadly. There were boxes, upon boxes of different Lego sets. So many of the Technic sets that he could build whatever he wanted. And tons more too.

“Surprise!”

He turned to see Mako grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “Oi, what’s all this?”

She walked over and picked up one set and handed it to Chuck. “You told me that you used to play with these all the time. But after…once you started moving you never did again. Many, many companies have asked repeatedly what they can do to help. I was more than happy to exploit those requests for this.” She walked over and took is hands in hers. “You are under orders to relax. No one will bother you back here and you can build to your hearts content.” She kissed his cheek. “Enjoy, brother of my heart.”

Chuck looked around again and then at her. He pulled her into a hug and shook his head. “I may never leave this room.”

He started walking through the piles and suddenly he found that point in his head that was the interface. He’d ignored it until now, but he started using it to catalog his spoils. He had no idea how long he was in there until he looked over at Raleigh leaning on the doorway.

“Hi.”

“I see you found your play room.”

“Oi! Not my fault I’m on restriction for at least another month. Dad won’t even let me play with the new jaegers!” Chuck turned and looked at the room. “But this, I’ll figure out something.”

Raleigh walked in and pulled Chuck into a hug. He felt the younger man slowly melt into it. He ran his fingers through Chuck’s hair and inhaled. “We’re going to Hong Kong tonight. Hannibal arranged it.”

“That two bit mangy no good…”

Raleigh shook his head. “Liked Star Wars a bit too much.”

“Mako got me a star destroyer. I’ll let you build it.” Chuck smiled. “So Hong Kong tonight?”

“Got you an outfit and everything. We are going out. One of the hottest dinner clubs.”

Chuck narrowed his eyes. “What kind of outfit?”

“Tux, it is that kind of evening.” Raleigh pulled Chuck with him out of the play room. “You clean up beautifully and it is time you saw more than the inside of these places.”

An hour later Mako was taking pictures of the two of them heading to town in evening wear. She walked up and whispered in Chuck’s ear. “Rumor has it you and your father are to be knighted. He might even be ennobled.” 

“Oi! None of that!” he frowned at her and then deflated. “You’re serious!”

“Have fun tonight!”

* * *

 

They walked back into the Dome. Security waved at them. Raleigh had Chuck’s hand as they walked slowly inside. Dinner, music, and talking. It was a perfect evening. He knew that their picture together would be all over the news for days, but he didn’t care. Chuck deserved this and so much more.

As they walked Raleigh took Chuck through the jaeger bay and showed him the incomplete jaeger. But they didn’t linger. Raleigh wouldn’t risk Herc’s wrath, too much at least, but Chuck loved jaegers.

Slowly they made it to Chuck’s bunk. Raleigh leaned over and kissed Chuck. He took it slow. Tasting the hints of champagne that completed their night. Also, a hint of strawberries that were dessert. Deepening the kiss, he felt Chuck’s hands wrap around him.

Pulling back, Raleigh loved the look on Chuck’s face. Pure joy. He gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Night, Chuck. Sweet dreams!”

“Night, Raleigh. Thank you.”

 

**After Pitfall - Day Eighty**

 

Chuck looked at the lab space and smiled. Physical restrictions were gone. Visits with Dr. Tan were now weekly. And he got to play with jaeger specs. Not allowed on the floor for actual work yet, his hands hadn’t rebuilt their calluses, he’d blister badly. First things first though.

The little portable model the Americans brought, Chuck didn’t trust it. So, he had all the material he needed to build a better external buffer and make it a bracelet. He had all the material he needed in this lab and started building. Over the course of several hours he built or assembled all the components. He tested circuits several times, tested the range, all the feeds, and then placed it all in a black banded metal cuff that went right over his left wrist.

He loaded the new firewall he’d managed to implement. Not that he didn’t trust the Americans because they put him back together, along with teams from around the globe, but his mind was his own. Then to test it he loaded one of his new programs and waited.

Twenty minutes later and Chuck heard the sounds he waited for and one loud voice that said volumes.

“CHARLES HANSEN!”

He peaked outside the lab and laughed as his father was standing there with Max barking at two of his motorized technics robots. “What? Max needed the exercise.”

Herc looked at the smile on his son’s face, the robots moving all over the floor, and the barking dog. He had a vision of what life might have been like if... Chuck still looked more like a teenager than grown man, but he also looked very pleased and happy.

“Clean up this mess, yeah?” he reached over and ruffled his son’s too long hair. “And don’t forget to eat. Still too skinny.”

“Okay, dad,” Chuck pseudo whined. He gave his dad a wink and called for Max. “Hey, dad, love you.”

 

**After Pitfall - Day Ninety**

 

Raleigh sat across from Herc and waited. He wanted to take Chuck on a vacation. He wanted him to see another side of life.

“Where?”

“Away, Europe maybe. Just a month to get him to see something other than a Shatterdome.” Raleigh also wanted him someplace that didn’t have any memories. Fresh air for the soul is how he’d put it.

Herc was torn, but what Raleigh said was true. Chuck was turning twenty-two soon and needed an actual vacation, not recovery time off. “After his birthday. Didn’t think I’d get to spend it with him.”

“Mako is throwing a big bash. Instead of a victory celebration, or the I survived party, it will be Chuck’s twenty-two.” Raleigh smiled fondly.

Eyes narrowing. “Do I need to have that talk yet?”

Swallowing, “We kiss and touch. Though if it will make you feel better then go ahead.” Raleigh braced himself. If there was one thing that had changed for the better, it was the father-son bond.

“I will kill you if you harm him.” Herc’s voice was flat and low. “He’s not a saint, but he’s becoming the man he wants to be. He’s working towards the life he wants. I know how much he dreamed of you being in it. You’re here now and he’ll need you tomorrow. I don’t want him in a jaeger again. Ever.”

“Sir…”

“He’s done his time. Gave up his childhood. But I want him happy most of all. You are a big factor in that.” He stood up and walked over and gave Raleigh a huge hug. The squeeze might have been a bit excessive. “I have one other request. Lots of grandkids to spoil.”

* * *

 

Chuck was tired of waiting. If there was one thing the Internet was good for, it was porn. And if there was one thing that was going to happen soon was that he was going to get laid. He knew Raleigh wasn’t being a cock tease on purpose, but Chuck was afraid his dick was going to fall off with over use now. His sex drive returned with a vengeance.

He looked in the mirror and shrugged. He was still looked thin, but he had some definition back. He looked like he did at nineteen. His facial hair wasn’t back yet, but he had hair in his pits and around his dick which made him feel better. The rest of his body hair was filling out too, so there was that. Plus, his skin had color. Medical actually put him in a tanning bed once a week now.

A knock on the door and Chuck looked around for a towel. Answering the door naked was generally frowned upon in shatterdomes. Even for heroes who were the only child of the Marshal. He opened it and smiled at Raleigh.

“Can I come in?”

Nodding, Chuck stepped aside and smiled. “Let me put something on.” He grabbed something from his dresser and closed the door to the bathroom.

Raleigh waited for Chuck to come out. He pulled him into a hug and kissed Chuck gently.

“Raleigh, can we please?” Chuck channeled his old self and gave him a smirk. “Quit teasing me. My dick is going to fall off from wanking so much.”

“I have the same problem,” he pulled back and kissed Chuck again. “Been waiting for you to feel better about yourself. Shaking your ass at me for the last few days has me pretty much hard all the time.”

Chuck smiled and kissed Raleigh. He ran his hand up and down Raleigh’s chest. He’d lived this scene in his imagination for years. But in those dreams, he’d been in control and he didn’t want that tonight. He needed Raleigh to lead.

Raleigh pushed Chuck back on the bed and removed his shorts and t-shirt. Chuck’s cock was already hard and the tip wet. He pulled off his own clothes and lay on top of his boyfriend. He kissed as he allowed his cock to rub against Chuck’s. The slide of skin on skin, as they made out was delicious. From feet to mouth, they were connected.

“Raleigh,” Chuck moaned while trying to grip the older man. “I…want…” He paused and gathered his courage. “Please fuck me.”

Pulling back, Raleigh looked Chuck in the eye and nodded. He reached over to the nightstand and pulled out the lube. He moved down the bed and spread Chuck’s legs a little. First, he leaned over and took Chuck in his mouth. Slipping his tongue inside the hood, he licked the glans and watched as Chuck bucked up. Raleigh added a little pressure and next thing he knew he had a mouth full of spunk.

“Fuck, I’m like a teenager.”

Kissing Chuck and allowing him to get a taste of his own cum, he leaned back. “In a way, yes, but you are…were a virgin. We have all the time in the world, sweetheart.”

Blushing, Chuck batted at Raleigh. “Sweetheart? I am not a princess!”

“Leia was the badass of the series.”

Chuck frowned, but nodded. “You going to fuck me or are we going to talk about movies?”

“Still a brat, aren’t you?” Raleigh kissed him again. “Love you though, Chuck. Loved you for a while.” He moved back and slicked a finger and circled the rim of Chuck’s hole. He was a little shocked when in slid in and was already slick. “Greeted me at the door wet and naked. Did you hope for this happen?”

“It was going to happen, R _ah_ leigh, fucking cock teasing me for weeks!” The effect was lost because of the blush coloring most of Chuck’s skin. He was too aroused to fake anger.

Raleigh maneuvered his brat on his back and pushed a finger in again. He let his finger crook in such a way that he found what he wanted and was rewarded with Chuck moaning and tossing his head side-to-side. “So beautiful, my brat. Your scourge is going to take care of you.”

“Never living that one down,” he groaned as they stuffed a fist into his mouth to stop a scream as a second finger was added. He had a general idea that Raleigh was hung so he knew he needed to be stretched, but two fingers was already getting his cock back in action. “Oh fuck me!”

“Soon brat, soon!” Raleigh twisted his fingers and he pushed them in and out. He loved seeing Chuck slowly come undone. He slipped a third one in and drizzled some lube that ran from his balls down to his crack. It glistened in the low light on that smooth pale skin. No dusting of hair had returned there yet. He knew it would. Chuck from a few months ago was a fairly hairy guy. Chuck under him wasn’t there yet, but he could see the rapid maturing taking place. But that was for another time.

He pulled his fingers out and thrust his tongue into Chuck and was rewarded with a muffled scream. Lube wasn’t the best taste, but Raleigh has his own desires he’d been fighting for months. The brat was his. He wanted him to scream his name over and over again. He loved the kid and wanted him to _feel_ that love through this. Just a few licks and a bite before he added more lube and returned with his fingers.

“Oh, Now, PLEASE!” Chuck was desperate. He felt like his skin was too tight and cock was going to break it was so hard.

Knowing Chuck was approaching his limits. Raleigh coated his cock with more lube. He placed his glans right at Chuck’s rim. “Push down as I push in. Relax.”

Chuck felt pressure and then he felt Raleigh in him. It was different. He fought the urge to tighten, but pushed down and felt more of that thick cock move in him. And it went right over his prostate. “Oh fuck!”

Tight, so tight, he thought Chuck was going to squeeze his cock off, but he kept pushing. He stopped, pulled out some, and thrust in. “Fuck you are perfect.” Neither of them had the stamina to last. Too long had they been without. Too long had they wanted this. He pushed into his younger lover and search for a rhythm. Reaching down his started moving Chuck’s very wet foreskin over his glans. Chuck started bearing down.

“Oh, I going to…Raleigh!” A shot of jizz arced and hit square in the middle of Chuck’s chest. Several more spurts followed.

The tightness was too much and Raleigh unloaded in Chuck. It felt like it lasted a million years and yet it wasn’t long enough. He stayed in buried in that perfect ass. He kissed Chuck and wiped that sweaty mop of hair from his face. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hi, love.”

 

**After Pitfall - Day One Hundred Five**

They weren’t hiding it, Chuck knew. The date was obvious and even he was happy to have made it to be twenty-two, but the whispers were a little…annoying. He asked his dad about it and all he got was a hearty laugh. Not the response he wanted.

Still, he did his morning laps at the pool and was happy to see that he was gaining mass again. His shoulders looked broader, but he wasn’t bulky. Part of him wasn’t sure he wanted to be built like a striding jaeger pilot anymore. In his mind he was still a bit too thin, but his recovery was good.

All his vitals were excellent, his immune system was fully functioning, all his hormone levels looked balanced, and he could take down Raleigh in the Kwoon. That had been a great afternoon. Taking on his dad would be another thing. But first things first. It was also when he realized that he and Raleigh were drift compatible. That was eye-opening.

Still it was his birthday and everyone was being cagey. The other good thing was he only reported to medical once a week now. The progress chart was closed on many things, but there were a few like the new organs in him that they watched. Technically they were his on a cellular level, but they still watched for any signs that there could even be an issue. Another title he never wanted: Chuck Hansen, lab rat.

He got it and didn’t fight it after he realized. He was being used as a model for how to save lives and rebuild bodies of those that served. And all other trauma victims. So, he was a hero in another way he supposed. Though he wasn’t sure how he felt that his bones had all kinds of mesh on them. He ignored something for fear of nightmares.

Not that he didn’t sleep wonderfully now, he didn’t sleep alone anymore. Speaking of. “Where is Raleigh? Plotting with everyone else I imagine.” Part of him wanted to cheat, but he figured he’d let them have their fun. It was his birthday and he was going to spend time in his playroom. “I can’t believe I call it that too.”

* * *

 

“You’ve been a good sport about this,” said Mako suspiciously. She led Chuck down to the jaeger bay. “You haven’t been spying have you? You didn’t send Max around with a hidden camera.”

Chuck’s eyes widen at that idea. “A day in the life of Max, bloody brilliant. Start work on that tomorrow!”

“Why did I say anything,” she groaned. Stopping right before the doors to the bay she looked at him. “Be surprised!” 

“Oi! I don’t know what you’re yammering about!” Suddenly he’s bickering with her like old times. He stopped to smile. “Can we go in?”

Her eyes narrowed. She pushed open the doors and Chuck stopped. A huge banner said ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ and another said, ‘You made it!’ and he saw all kinds of tables set up and everyone in the dome was there. His dad was in the center, beaming like a loon.

“Thanks, Mako.”

“Happy Birthday, Chuck. Now before you get settled or drunk, go bust open the piñata. Raleigh wants what’s in there.” She laughed at the kiss he put on her cheek. He really was the annoying brother she never had, but now could never live without. She laughed even more when she saw them put a blindfold on him. She didn’t know that was a rule for piñata.

Chuck was tempted to cheat, but didn’t. He took five swings and missed. He pulled off the blindfold and motioned for Raleigh. “Your turn since you’re laughing so much. Go ahead.”

He laughed as Raleigh swung away wildly and gladly accepted the drink he dad brought him. “Cheers!” The crushing hug that followed was welcome where a year ago it would’ve been avoided or not offered at all. “Thanks, dad.”

“This was all on Mako. Well, everyone here wanted a party and it had to wait until you were well. Not just released from Medical, but _well_. Great timing I’d say.” He ruffled Chuck’s too long hair. “Since you lost it you seem very reluctant to cut it.”

“It gets trimmed. I’m still on medical leave, yeah? No regulation haircut then.” Chuck raised his glass to several of the techs doing shots near Cherno’s old bay.

A sudden cheer brought Chuck’s focus back to the piñata where Tendo cracked it open and now hard candy was spilling out everywhere.

“That’s mine, back off,” yelled Raleigh and Chuck couldn’t help but laugh. Too many times lately he’d commented on how much fun Chuck had playing with toys and calling him a brat.

“Who’s the kid now?”

“Brat!”

The party carried on until a massive cake was wheeled out to the center of the bay. A big Striker Eureka was the decoration with the words, ‘Chuck Hansen lives’ written on it. There were also twenty-two candles.

“Make a wish,” Raleigh whispered in his ear. 

He blew out the candles and started cutting the cake. Mako snuck up behind him and smashed a piece in his face. She screamed and started running as he chased her. Herc and the rest of the crowd laughed as they went back and forth. Raleigh moved and intercepted his brat, stopping him with a kiss that got catcalls from the assembled crowd.

Raleigh licked a piece of frosting from Chuck’s cheek. “Guess that’s now out in the open.”

“Oh, please,” yelled one of the nurses. “You two being a couple – not a secret.”

Herc moved over and wiped some of the cake from Chuck’s face. He couldn’t keep the grin down if he wanted because his son looked happy and carefree for once. “Now for the actual surprise.”

Raleigh gave Chuck the biggest grin possible. “We are going on vacation in four days. We’ll be gone for a month.”

Chuck blinked and started laughing. A party he suspected, but an actual vacation. Not in this lifetime. “Where are we going?”

“Europe.”

Pulling Raleigh in close, he kissed him deeply. “Dad, Mako, come here. Oi! Max!” He motioned to Tendo. “Can you take a family photo? I need to build up the collection.” The pictures were perfect, including the one where Chuck got Mako back and got cake in her hair. But there was one, father and son just talking with their heads together that made everyone who saw it smile.

 

**After Pitfall - Day One Hundred Thirty**

The vacation is a small mix of business with lots of leisure and pleasure. They started in Rome, which garnered them a State Dinner at the Quirinal Palace. It was quite the event and neither Chuck nor Raleigh had any idea what to expect. It ended up being a blast. The Italian President was a huge fan and went all out. There were even fireworks. Neither Ranger expected that kind of reception.

They then took a train and headed to Venice for a couple of days before heading across the Adriatic for some leisure time. Then it was Vienna, Budapest, and then Berlin where the German President didn’t want to be outdone by the Italians.

Now they were on a five day visit in France. Chuck knew that Raleigh was up to something, but he didn’t know what. It was their first night of three in Paris with the last night being the State Dinner before heading to London where they were going to be joined by Herc and Mako. It was then to New York and a conference with the UN and then Washington for another State Dinner and a few days in the States before heading back to Hong Kong. Chuck was worried about the London visit. That State Dinner was clouded in secrecy and King William was a huge jaeger fan.

But for now, it was Paris and a boyfriend who was acting weird.

And it was tuxedos again. “Okay, out with it. Where are we going?” he was being a smug bastard and refused to answer.

“You’ll see, my love.”

Right. So, Chuck was dressed up again on a vacation where he wanted nothing more than board shorts and tank tops. Though he did know his dad wanted he and Raleigh officially retired. Chuck wasn’t ready for that fight yet. Though the thought of never putting on many clothes again sounded appealing. Especially if that meant Raleigh wasn’t wearing anything. Naked Raleigh was fantastic, recently fucked Raleigh was awesome, but snuggled Raleigh was the best. He was such a sap now.

They walked down to a waiting car and escort. “We have a police escort. This is serious.” Still nothing from his lover.

They raced down the street, crossing the Seine, and came upon the Eiffel Tower.  Chuck looked around and frowned. “Isn’t it closed?”

An official helped them from the car. “This way Ranger Becket, the president has arranged everything.”

They went to the top where a small table for two was arranged on the observation deck. Flowers were everywhere as was a string quartet. Chuck swallowed as Raleigh gently grabbed his hand and led him to the table.

“Surprise. I figured we’d only get one chance for a night like this.”

It was a little, a lot, overwhelming, but the music started and the meal was served. Chuck enjoyed the view and he always enjoyed time with Raleigh. He took another sip of an excellent wine when he saw two champagne glasses brought out and a bottle on ice.

“What are we celebrating?” Chuck’s mouth went dry when he saw Raleigh get up and then drop to one knee. “Oh.”

“Chuck Hansen, I’ve never known a more exacerbating, complex, wonderful person than you. Would you do the scourge and nightmare of your life the honor of marrying him?”

It never crossed Chuck’s mind that he could have that. That he could get married. It didn’t, but he saw all the hope and love in Raleigh’s eyes and he offered his hand and said, “Yes.”  And he watched as Raleigh slipped a ring on his right ring finger. He was blushing and he knew it. He could be the princess. Because sometimes dreams came true even when you had no idea that you had that dream in your heart.

The staff cheered as Raleigh stood and pulled Chuck up into a kiss. “You know those words are going in our vows.”

“Oi! Knew I’d never live those down!” He leaned over and kissed his now fiancé. “Now I know what we are celebrating.” A thought occurred to him. “Did you ask my dad about this?”

“Uh…no…”

Chuck started laughing, howling actually. “You know since Pitfall, I’m his precious baby boy. You better call him before London or you may not meet the King.”

“Fuck!”

 

**One Year Anniversary of Pitfall**

He could hardly believe a year had passed. He was in full dress uniform again, probably for the last time. Portraits of all the fallen pilots from the War were on display. Banners for all the Jaegers were hanging from the rafters. It was as much a memorial service as it was a celebration of humanity’s victory.

Chuck played with the ring on his finger. His dad cuffed Raleigh upside the head when they were in London. Then hugged him so hard Chuck winced, but he knew his dad loved Raleigh. Hard not to love the bloody git. He was good people. Chuck wandered among the portraits. Looked at the Gages, Stacker, Yancy, the Weis, all of them where here, and knew he could have been up there too. He’d have missed all this and never had Raleigh. Never gotten the family he had now. Twisting the ring on his finger, he thought of who he was a year ago. The message he wrote to Tendo.

All the fallen heroes, the ones who did everything to safeguard humanity until they could close the Breach. But there were other heroes. The ones who never made headlines. Chuck smiled, he knew he’d get married in uniform and that would be the last time to wear it. His dad was bad at hiding things, but he knew that his retirement paperwork was sitting on his dad’s desk. His and Raleigh’s.

But Raleigh was going to be the senior pilot instructor for the next two years. Mako was already Assistant Director of the PPDC Research Division. His dad was the Marshal. Tendo and so many others got promotions or were going to retire in a few weeks after this.

Chuck looked out and saw the newest Jaeger standing guard in the bay. He and Raleigh were the only active duty pilots. They did get to do the test runs on Nova Storm. But that was all the two of them would do, test runs. Chuck’s combat days were over. Drifting with Raleigh though, it was priceless. He knew he was lucky in so many ways.

He was still called Ranger Hansen, but Chuck didn’t think he of himself as a Ranger anymore. He certainly didn’t fucking think of himself as Knight Commander of the Victorian Cross or whatever bullshit the King and Governor-General thrust on him. Sir fucking Charles Hansen. The fuck!

“Too much thinking there, my love,” Raleigh whispered in his ear as he guided them to the stage. “You look ravaging right now.”

The fucker knew whispering in his ear went right to his cock. Thank goodness he was in a jock. He didn’t trust his fiancé to behave.

They were gathered in the main bay with the massive doors opened to the outside. It was a beautiful day. Dignitaries from across the globe were there for this event. The marshal spoke first, then Mako Mori, then Ranger Becket, and finally it was Chuck’s turn. He could do this. He played with the ring on his finger as he stepped up.

“One year ago, I left here ready to make the sacrifice that so many other Rangers made for humanity. I even packed all my belongings in boxes because a father shouldn’t have to. To be honest, Ranger Hansen died a year ago today. But Chuck Hansen got a chance to live on. Part of me will always be a Ranger, but I’ve expanded my horizons and get to do what I always wanted: build.

“But I would be remiss if I didn’t also use this chance to make a difference. Many consider me a hero. Maybe. I did what had to be done, but now I choose to make a mark and be a hero in a different way.

“All my years training and piloting, I denied who I was out of fear. Out of misguided ideas of what kind of person I wanted to be. It blinded me to much, helped fuel the persona of the cocky Ranger Hansen. I needed that to protect myself. I let opinions of others make me afraid to be who I am.

“But those fires from a year ago burned away so much and like the legend of the phoenix, I rose from my own ashes.

“To all the children, and so many adults, around the world. Be yourself. I wear a ring now on my right hand that will move to my left in the three months. The man I love placed it on my finger in Paris a few months ago. That man didn’t like who Chuck Hansen used to be, but fell for who the real Chuck is. I got a second chance. The world got a second chance, we have time to breathe and rebuild. But we also have time to get to know each other.

“Find your passion, find your happiness. But above all be true and know that you are not alone. I did everything I could to hide from myself. But now I look back and know how close I came to not being here. We, as a planet, came very close to not being here. Second chances are very hard to come by. We need to use the time wisely.”

Chuck sat down next to Raleigh and held out is hand. Soon their fingers were intertwined as the rest of the memorial went on.

The reception started soon after and Chuck never drifted far from Raleigh. He smiled as his dad came over and gave him a hug. “I told Raleigh I only wanted one thing.”

“Dad, sprogs, I know. Can you give us a year after we’re married?”

“No, Chuck, to keep you happy. Only thing that matters is the two of you being happy.” Herc kissed is cheek. “A year ago, I walked into your room and saw it packed. A year ago, for an hour I thought you were gone. All I want is you happy.”

Chuck hugged Herc and smiled. “Thanks, dad.”

**Author's Note:**

> This hit me and I decided to write it. Never played in this sandbox, but I fell in love with Chuck and Raleigh. Hope you enjoyed this.


End file.
